• Vernica W.

Creating Boundaries with yourself and others.

Updated: Oct 9

Creating boundaries, lets talk about it. I think many of us became used to making sure we have boundaries towards people while neglecting to create boundaries for ourselves. So I ask this question. What personal boundaries do you hold with yourself? Personal boundaries such as not over scheduling your day, not committing to multiple obligations, adding to many "to-do's" on the list, and ignoring your body when it is telling you it needs a break. Boundaries is self-care. Boundaries is honoring yourself mentally, emotionally, and physically. Those times when you beat yourself up for getting caught up with drama that belongs to someone else...create a personal boundary. Answering the call from the person who's spirit drains yours...create a personal boundary.

Boundaries are ineffective when they are not communicated.

You planned to stay in on a Saturday night but your friends are calling you to go out. Now all of a sudden you are in your head considering to ignore the need that deserves your attention. Whether you planned on chillin on your couch, going to bed early or getting caught up on your favorite show; that is YOUR TIME TO YOURSELF! Kindly let them know you have to skip this one and focus on your wants and needs. Boundaries are ineffective when they are not communicated and that includes dialog with yourself. Communicate your boundaries to your family members, a peer, your boss, a person in authority at your church. Yes...I...said...it! Having a lack of boundaries with your self and others causes confusion and you will lose your sense of self.


I want to share with you a few pro-active considerations to provide grace to your struggle. Remember healing is a process that deserves intentionality.

1. Let perspective be your ally. Every time you have to communicate a boundary at home, work, the grocery store or wherever know that each win and challenge gives you the opportunity to grow and make you stronger.

2. For us visual learners or anyone who appreciates daily remainders. Writing down what you will do or not do and keeping it displayed in an area you dwell the most can refocus you, back to you.

3. Heal with empathy. It is good practice from time to time to put your feet in some else’s shoes. Watch how you respond to a boundary that was communicated and enforced to you. What went on in your body? What thoughts came up? Can you use this interaction to realize that everyone need to have boundaries. So let that be an inspiring enforcer and say to yourself,” I deserve to have boundaries like everyone else.”

4. If your weekend is already a tight shift do not add anything else. Before the weekend hits scan the day of busyness and make time to check in for at least ten minutes. Breathe. Close your eyes and pause. Did you take your medication? Do you need to eat something? Meditate. Your body is not a machine it is a temple. Don't allow your temple to crumble.

5. Practice practice practice. Push through the discomfort, the unknown, the push back. There will be a time you will receive opposition but there also will be times when you wont. This is another good time to check in with yourself. What do you need after a desired interaction or unwanted one? Don't have the reaction to keep on moving in your day. Respond to what just happened to identify and process any need that may have came up for you. Once its identified provide the need.

Say it with me, "I am not being selfish, I am self-prioritizing my life."

Be Well.


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